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This is an act that pulls and tugs on each of us at some point in our life. What is it about being able to cancel or release wrongs committed towards us that makes forgiving so hard? What is it about granting favor, unconditional favor that takes us into battle between our heads and hearts?

Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV) encourages us: “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.”

I heard it said that I can forgive but I can’t forget. This is a true statement.

Our minds are not computers, there are no delete buttons. This is why being able to truly forgive is so powerful. As it pertains to experiencing a wrong.

We have the natural tendency to gauge the wrong as it pertains to forgiving. Did the person mean to do it? What was their motive or intent behind doing what they did? Do we even like them anyway? There are a number of factors that can play into our struggle with true forgiveness.

It all boils down to a matter of the heart.

When we choose to hold on to what a person or offense that a person has committed towards us, we give them power over us. Now this might seem hard, but it’s fair.

They have moved on from it and we are stuck in this one place.  We say we’ve moved on; we say that we’re okay and in a good place.

When the true test and confirmation of forgiveness comes the very next time, we see them.

When we see them, does our countenance change?

Do we quickly reflect on what happened?

Do we speak of events from the past?

Or do we dismiss the past and embrace the person (with caution in some cases) as if things never happen?

It’s only when we can get past the emotional and mental hurts that true forgiveness can take place.

You might say this is easier said than done. I understand.

Because forgiveness is a “want to” attitude.

Forgiveness will never happen unless we truly want to forgive. Again, coming back to giving away power. We have to want to heal. We have to want to get better. We have to want to forgive.

This has absolutely nothing to do with the other person and everything to do about us. Whether they apologize or not.

Forgiveness starts and ends with us and within us.

Please don’t give power to a past problem. Forgiveness is the ointment for healing. Think of it this way. Give something you would want in return.

 

Rev. Demetrius Moffett is Senior Pastor of Orange Church of God-Embassy of Grace, 1911 North 16th Street in Orange.