OPINION- STORY OVER A CUP: It’s all golf to me

Published 8:37 am Tuesday, September 21, 2021

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Michael Cole
Story Over A Cup

I do not understand golf.

It is not me hating the sport, or having any disdain for it, I just do not see the point of the game.

But, I understand there are many people who do see the point of the game, and are not only excited to play the sport, but watch it.

And then there are some who are so into the game, they have purchased golf simulations for their computer or gaming system

I think it is called Tiger Woods: Watching Grass Grow for Playstation, or something along those lines.

But, like I said, it is not a game I picture myself playing.

However, all the time, my friends ask me if I play.

My stock answer usually is, “I gave it up after the heartache of not getting past the windmill.”

A line that never, ever goes well.

I have been asked why I don’t enjoy the game, and usually I am at a loss for words.

“I just don’t.”

Followed by the reply, “Well you don’t know until you try it.”

Well, I have never had electro-shock therapy, but I am pretty sure I will not like it either.

Maybe it is the fact it doesn’t interest me? Perhaps we could make it interesting? Mix and match sports?

Full contact Golf…

John Madden in the booth..

“Here we are at the 8th fairway at the US Open, and we have Tiger Woods at 3rd and Birdie.”

The defensive line led by JJ Watt has been impressive today, only allowing one par.

And here is the snap by the caddy, the Woods is in the his protective bubble as he goes to swing, AND-”

He just got sacked that will bring up a special teams situation, lets see what the coach has in mind.

“I tell you what Al, the wind is not really favoring Tiger today.”

I could watch this version of golf.

Or maybe Heavyweight Championship Golfing. 

Where the golfers shoot a hole of golf, followed by a round of boxing.

We would be greeted by Tiger (and I am not picking on Tiger, it is just with the exception of Happy Gilmore, I do not know any golfer’s names) In a boxing robe, the announcer in a tux.

“In this corner weighing in at 220 pounds with a handicap of 7, the Terror of the Back Nine, Tiiiiiggger Woods.”

And entering the ring, weighing in 295 pounds, the killer, the iron punch, with fists so fast he hits the golf ball with his hands instead of the club, Iron Mike Tyson!”

I bet that one would have crossover into the video game world, Mike & Tiger’s Golf-Out.

I’d watch.


Michael Cole is a syndicated columnist that when he is not writing, he is plotting global domination. You can follow him at www.storyoveracup.com