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OP-ED: Story Over a Cup: I have questions

Michael Cole
Story Over A Cup

My mind is a terrible place to be when a stray thought enters my head. Not so much because I hate thought exercises, but because once it is there, I will take it as far as I logically can.

And unfortunately for me, this is never a good thing.

It’s not a new thing, I have been like this since I was a child.

For instance, I did not understand how the light in the fridge shut off when you closed it. The idea that the door triggered a switch when closed never occurs to a person of five or six.

So, I could only conclude with my limited knowledge and exposure of the world that there was an entire race of small people that lived in refrigerators around the world who would turn on and off the lights when it opened or closed.

But, why just this function of these little people?

I concluded these people operated the machinery behind the garbage disposal, they even would drive cleaning machines when the stove was in “self-cleaning” mode.

Such thoughts have never really left me.

Which means this thought should surprise no one.

I was walking my dog and passed a place which made and sold headstones.

Now, cemeteries fascinate me. I like to wonder about the story of the people buried there. Sadly, history tells us the story of famous people; but, you never hear about the tales of the billions of people who have lived who had ordinary lives.

So when I see a headstone, I like to wonder about them.

Well, in front of this business they had several headstones.

I noticed the quality of the craftsman ship, the people who made these headstones are definitely experts at their craft. You could see the attention to detail and the love behind every headstone they made.

I also noticed the dates were long passed. For instance, the youngest date of death was from a year earlier. One was from the late 80s.

I knew there had to be a logical explanation.

But, my mind was already at work.

Were these new headstones to replace the new ones?

A very reasonable explanation.

But, I was not stopping there.

Repos?

Do they repossess a headstone? And if you think about it, repossess is a strange word to use when dealing with the afterlife.

And suddenly in my mind there was a reality TV show about repos dealing with this very issue.

Driver: Well, today we have a repo order at the Grand Banks Cemetery. Mr. Douglas is behind on his headstone payments and we are going to sneak into the cemetery and take the headstone.

You hear the beeping of a truck backing up. Ghost chains and moans in the background.

The driver jacks up the headstone to put in his truck with an irate ghost screaming at him. The driver throws holy water on him telling him that he can call the finance company to get it back.

And then, maybe a used headstone lot.

I was then expecting a salesman to come out and approach me.

“I see you have your eye on this beauty right here.”

He motions to the headstone in front of me. Before I can say anything he starts in on his spiel.

“One owner, low miles. Very clean. No record of hauntings or other paranormal activity. Let’s go inside and see if we can get you financed for this thing. Our repo guys just brought it in this morning.”
Like I said, it’s never a good thing

 

Michael Cole is a syndicated columnist that when he is not writing, he is plotting global domination. You can follow him at www.storyoveracup.com