OP-ED: THE IDLE AMERICAN – An election of entanglements
Published 8:22 am Sunday, November 15, 2020
Labeling the recent national election as one of “entanglements” may be the kindest of descriptions. But, it’s a start.
Even the golden throats of radio and television news often got their “tangs tongueled.” Oops, I mean “tongues tangled.”
At one point, a Dallas radio newsperson claimed that “Vice President Widen’s lead is Bidening.”
My aging Uncle Mort, wishing he could stay in bed with covers over his head for the balance of November, says he’s never heard so many references to “push back.”
“With every promise or pledge for change, there’s an opposing group ‘pushing back,’ or so it seems,” he said.
Mort said that if he’d do a push-up every time he hears of a “push back,” he might be ready to look for a Mr. America contest to enter early in the new year.
At age 108, he is waxing more and more philosophic.
However, sometimes he wonders about long-held opinions. “I’ve always heard that the squeaky wheel gets the grease,” he said. “But now I’m not sure. Whoever first floated this opinion obviously has never coaxed a shopping cart down the aisles at Walmart.”
You learned about it here first: Homemade fruitcakes may be in short supply this year. Candied cherries already are scarce, and finding coconut products may become problematic soon, if not already.
PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) are “all tore up” about the way monkeys are being treated in Thailand.
It appears that Costco is “knuckling under,” as have Walgreens, Food Lion and Giant Food, all of which have stopped stocking several brands of coconut products, since PETA claims “monkeys in Thailand are being used to pick coconuts.” According to PETA, monkeys are chained up to prevent their escape, and are kept in small cages overnight.
It gets worse. Some are chained up and may not feel like picking up 400 coconuts per monkey each day.
Monkeys there, you see, are all around. The Thais use them to retrieve coconuts, and the country’s tourism authority also promotes a “Monkey Center.” The center is, essentially, “monkey school,” where primates learn to collect coconuts.
Adults may watch the training/show for 300 “Baht” (10 US dollars), with children admitted for half that amount.
As might be expected, there is “push back” by at least one company.
“Chaokoh, one of the world’s leaders in coconut milk production, reassures that we do not engage in the use of monkey labor in our coconut plantations,” the company said, adding that its suppliers have “signed memorandums of understanding” that monkey labor will not be employed.
So far, there has been no clarification by the primates, but there is a strong probability that they aren’t in favor of being chained, and greatly prefer “monkeying around.”
The subject of monkeys reminds me of a confused primate, on the psychiatrist’s couch.
“I’m so confused,” the monkey said. “I’ve been reading quite a bit lately, including two intriguing books–the Holy Bible and Darwin’s Theory of Evolution.”
Having carefully read both, he claims to be unsure whether he’s his brother’s keeper or his keeper’s brother.
Given the dilemma, he might consider seeking employment by a PETA-approved coconut-picking company in Thailand.
Dr. Bill Winston, respected theologian, patriot and Air Force hero during the Vietnam War, frequently is asked to express his opinions on cable news.
After the Nov. 3 election, he mentioned the many causes and organizations best known for acronyms, if not abbreviations. The African American leader said if he chose to, he thinks he could do well seeking followers of his CRE initiative.
Tongue in cheek, he admitted that CRE would stand for “Certified Racial Exorcist.” There’s much to be said for tongue-in-cheek. Someone said if I had a forked tongue, I’d have one for each cheek.
Dr. Newbury is a former educator who writes weekly and is a longtime public speaker. Comments/speaking inquiries to: firstname.lastname@example.org. Phone: 817-447-3872. Web site: www.speakerdoc.com Twitter: @donnewbury. Facebook: don newbury