OP-ED: Fall, when the pumpkin spice must flow

Published 12:43 am Wednesday, September 30, 2020

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Michael Cole
Story Over A Cup

The temperatures have begun to fall from the inferno flames of hell to a much more manageable level lately.

I am not complaining.

But with those falling temperatures, there comes an obsession I have never understood.

Pumpkin Spice everything.

It used to be pumpkin spice cappuccino. I would stop at the Diamond Shamrock gas station on my way into town and grab one and go about my business.

However, the masses were not appeased by just the holiday pumpkin spice drink.

Others got into the craze, and now I feel like I am watching a horrible remake of Dune.

“The Pumpkin Spice must FLOW!”

I have no problem with people using popular cultural items to market a product. It is a trademark of Modern American Commercialism. We do it, and I understand it perfectly.

But we’ve gone too far.

I can find pumpkin spice marshmallows, pumpkin spice donuts, pumpkin spice cereal. All of those are perfectly reasonable and something you can market.

But pumpkin spice candles? Pumpkin spice car air fresheners? Pumpkin Spice Tissue Paper?

And yes, even pumpkin spice toilet paper.

And the list goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on.

And on.

There are times in which you can go overboard, and we went right past overboard and right straight to ludicrous.

There are no reasons to have pumpkin spice sandwich bags. I am hard pressed to find a reason that you would want to buy pumpkin spiced cat litter.

Really, pumpkin spiced face masks. I guess when you want to social distance in a festive holiday scent.

Pumpkin spice dental dog treats for when you want to get your dog hooked on your holiday tradition.

Pumpkin Spice deodorant? Maybe you want to not only smell shower fresh, but coffee shop shower fresh and holiday festive fresh.

Pumpkin Spice Latte body mist. See above.

Pumpkin Spice bath bombs. After a hard day at work, you might want to decompress from a hard day at the office and smell like the drink you sipped on all day at the office.

Pumpkin Spice Lean Shake. Get your Christmas body, try a refreshing pumpkin spice lean shake.

Pumpkin Spice Hand Sanitizer. In this pandemic time, keep the germs away and say fall festive with this hand sanitizer.

Like I said earlier, there is nothing wrong with it. Merchants will try almost anything to sell their product and if they think this helps, they will try it.

But you can go too far. Honestly, I expect to pull into a gas station and have the choices of Unleaded, Unleaded Plus, and Unleaded Pumpkin Spice.

And for the record, today’s article was fueled by a regular cup of joe, I already drank my pumpkin spice flavored one.

Michael Cole is a syndicated columnist that when he is not writing, he is plotting global domination while enjoying a cup of pumpkin spice cappuccino. You can follow him at www.storyoveracup.com