By Michael Cole

I decided this year for Earth Day to add a couple of plants to my yard. Something fragrant, pretty, and hopefully something that would bear fruits or vegetables one day.

I figured it would add some sustainability to my home.

So I went by Home Depot the weekend before and picked out a grape plant and a blueberry one.

Not just any blueberry one, a pink lemonade one.

Easy.

Seems that ended up being the easiest part.

Sitting on my front porch, I read the directions.

Dig a hole, fill half with dirt and pour water into it. Meanwhile, soak the root of the plant in water and detangle the roots.

Okay, not too hard.

Shovel in hand, I set to work.

The directions did not predict the dog factor.

Or in my case, the Bill factor.

Bill, as you may know, is very playful. He is also a fan of mud, messes, and nature.

His human digging a hole in said nature was too much for him to handle.

He apparently figured out how to back out of his collar and was off his runner.

And off and running.

With a burst of speed, this little black and white speed demon leaped into the hole just as I was filling it with water from the hose.

He started digging aggressively and was soon covered with mud.

So, I shut off the water and began to reach for Bill.

He got a grin and bolted.

But, not before he grabbed the plant in his mouth.

So picture this, me chasing after a mud-covered dog, who has a plant in his mouth that he is shaking in his mouth as he runs. Of course, he is staying only a step or two ahead of me.

Taunting me.

Twice while in pursuit, I reach for him only to fall face first on the ground. Since it rained not too long ago, I am now covered with mud.

Bill waits patiently for me to get up, before taking off again.

We go around and around the house, me cussing, the other dogs barking encouragement (I am not sure if for me, or for Bill).

Finally, the worst happens. My prosthetic comes off and I tumble to the ground.

I yelp and while on the ground Bill runs to me, and I grab him.

So now Earth Day has become Mud Day. I am covered head to toe, trying to hold Bill with one hand while putting my foot back on with the other.

Plant retrieved, I make it back to leash Bill back up. I need some water.

Muddy feet, I take a step up the stairs and my muddy shoes slip on the stairs.

I end Mud day looking up at the sky, certain that my backside will have a huge bruise.

Next Earth Day, AstroTurf and potted plants.

 

Michael Cole is a syndicated columnist that when he is not writing, he is plotting global domination. You can follow him at www.storyoveracup.com