Story Over a Cup When the April’s Fools prank comes from the least anticipated

Published 8:00 am Tuesday, April 9, 2019

I am more of a person who appreciates a good practical joke over actually doing one or having one done to me.

I guess you could say, I live my prankster life vicariously through Youtube.

But that does not stop others from performing those pranks.

This year, I was the victim of two pranks. One that I thought was funny because I knew that if it were true, the reaction would have been much different.

The other almost caused me a heart attack.

So, let’s grab a cup of coffee and indulge in our story.

My wife and I have no kids.

Correction, we have four dogs, but that is as close as we have come.

My wife is an excellent teacher, but I think her nerves could not stand being a parent.

At least that is her argument.

Me, I am so much a procrastinator, I would probably still be holding off on getting our kid into soccer while he or she was crossing the stage getting a diploma from college.

But, that is not the focus of our story it is more background.

You can probably guess where it is going.

On Monday, she texted me that she had bought a pregnancy test and that it had come up positive.

I had not realized that it was April First yet, but immediately I was suspicious.

I know my wife. After nearly 20 years, you get a feel for the person.

So I called her bluff.

You see, had the announcement I had just heard been an actual emergency, the text would have been accompanied with screams that could be heard for miles, the beginning of a nervous breakdown and the promise to rearrange certain parts of my anatomy once she saw me again.

Calmness would not have been the protocol of the day.

A hostage situation would have.

I merely laughed and said “good one.”

She was a little upset that I did not fall for it, but was happy that I knew her that well.

The second one, well, that one was a little freaky and alarming.

I am sure that you will call it anthropomorphism, but I have no explanation.

My dog Bill will turn his nose up at expensive dog toys, yet will eat plastic bottles given the chance.

Around lunchtime, I walked into the kitchen to grab a quick bite.

That was when I saw Bill, on his side.

Not moving.

I saw a chewed up bottle that I could not easily identify. But it looked like the guts of a spray bottle. We buy generic bottles, so some bottles contain water for the plants and dog control (it is a humane way to control them when they are bad. It is a better training method than a pop on the backside.)

But we also keep cleaning products.

So I start calling his name, and he was not moving.

I freaked thinking that he was not breathing.

I ran for the hall closet where we keep our medical first aid for people and dogs.

Grabbed the first thing I could find and ran back.

No Bill.

He had followed me to the closet and followed me back.

Here is where the anthropomorphism comes in. I can swear that he had a huge grin. Others would say it was a dog’s pant.

But for me, I saw “APRIL FOOLS!” in his eyes.

Just goes to show you, the best tricksters might very well be 55-pound mutts.

Be good, and keep the cups warm.

Michael Cole is a syndicated columnist that when he is not writing, he is plotting global domination. You can follow him at