By Michael Cole

 

So, I have now finished about a year as a freelance writer. It has been interesting, to say the least. In between ghostwriting books, writing articles for my websites, for different blogs or other people’s websites and whatever comes my way, I have found a job that I really enjoy.

What I have noticed is that my cell phone seems to know exactly when I am right in a groove and it never fails. My phone starts to dance and sing to tell me that someone seems to know that I cannot really talk.

But it never ends.

Most of the time, if I do not recognize the number, I will just let it go to voicemail. If it is a local number, I might send an automated text saying “can’t talk, text me.”

But every so often, I grab the phone and answer it.

And it never fails, it is always a scammer.

Well, this particular call I want to talk about led to a new hobby of mine.

Toying with them.

So After saying hello, I got the question, “Is this Michael Cole?”

Now, this woman had a very professional voice, and I do have some clients that have my number and have called last minute wanting some new article.

So without thinking (that seems to be a big instigator of like 99% of my troubles), I said yes.

“This is Rebecca Johnson, a process server, I have a Court order of delivery in your name attached to your social security number and need to verify a few facts before serving you at your place of employment or residence.”

Before I could say something, she added, “that she was authorized to settle the matter over the phone to avoid serving me.”

Folks, I have been sued. Mostly it was frivolous stuff, but in every case one thing is clear…

The process server does not call before delivering it. They do not notify you before they serve you. And, once a court has accepted a case and its file, you cannot just make it go away, you are required by law to serve the documents.

It was early, I had just finished my coffee, and felt mad that I was interrupted, and interested in exactly how I could toy with this call for my own amusement.

“I see,” I answered. “Do tell.”

She went on to tell me that she was given evidence by a company that I had engaged in theft by running up a $2500 bill with a credit card company and not paying it. That since Trump had become President, he had signed an executive order allowing people to be arrested for not paying these debts.

At this point, I knew that I was not dealing with the brightest crayon in the box.

But suddenly a light bulb of sheer evil went off. I had watched a video a few days prior to this on ‘soveriegn citizens’ and knew that this was meant to happen. I was chosen by the Gods of Sarcasm to slay this evil.

By all that was holy in my cup of coffee, I would not disappoint.

“I am sorry Rebecca. But you have the wrong Michael Cole.”

She sounded annoyed, asking if this was the Michael Cole that lived at (she recited my street address).

I said, well yes, but she had the wrong Michael Cole.

She seemed agitated and asked if I wanted to go to jail.  I said no, then explained. “You see, the debtor that you seek is the entity “Michael Cole,” I am the private individual.”

She was quiet for a moment and said, “Can I speak to Michael Cole then?”

The game is afoot, I thought gleefully.

“No, the entity Michael Cole is currently busy, I the private individual am available.”

She seemed perplexed over the phone and tried to launch into her script about me being arrested if I did not immediately pay her $2500 dollars.

So, I decided to back and forth with her for the next ten minutes or so, arguing that she had the wrong Michael Cole, that the entity was not available. She was getting angrier by the minute. I think that about twenty minutes into it, she realized that I kept saying that I was the private individual Michael Cole.

“Then,” she finally nearly shouted, “I will have the private individual Michael Cole arrested.”

I had to bite back the laughter.

“I am sorry, but Michael Cole, the private individual, is a union member and its time for his coffee break. As Michael Cole, the person, I can take a message.”

Dial tone.

She hasn’t called back since.

A shame. Well, if a Rebecca Johnson calls you, tell her the Michael Cole, the private individual misses her and to call him.