Glitter, take home projects

Published 12:29 pm Tuesday, May 9, 2017

There is a phrase I loathe every time I hear it. It brings a sense of dread and foreboding whenever it is uttered. What is this bearer of wrath; this minion of darkness you ask? It is delivered on a white slip paper in my child’s backpack. These three little words that cause this dramatic fanfare are: “Take Home Project”.

You may think I am being a little overdramatic, but trust me I am not. Especially when you consider the number generally assigned to one child in a given school year and then we multiply it times five. What causes my negative response to this assignment is caused by many different factors coming to a head in one hot-glued, sticker-filled, crepe-paper accented monstrosity that was totally completed by my child. <wink wink>

First off, if I actually let my child complete this themselves the finished product would be so far away from the other projects that it would be classified as a statistical outlier. I totally understand that the project is intended for my child to complete, but in all honesty it is quite evident that is not what is happening. The degree to which some of these works of art are executed would make some famous artists question their abilities. While my children can operate an iPhone like no other, their skills with a cricut aren’t quite that advanced.

My next issue is the project concept itself. I can totally get on board with a PowerPoint presentation and I have been known to help my kids whip up a legit FAQ sheet. These types of projects are things they have an actual chance of using later in life. I must prepare projects like this on an almost weekly basis in my role at the bank. The ones I have issue with are the book reports where we have to make a cereal box about the story or bring a bag of carefully selected items to tell a story. You see, unless my child has a role in the Art Department at Kellogg’s or decides to be Santa Claus, I don’t see them actually replicating projects like this later in life. If there is educational value in it, then trust me I am game; but when a project is assigned just for a completion grade or it is clearly a ‘family togetherness’ project that’s when a line has been crossed. Trust me, we have enough togetherness to last us a while. (flashback to road trip to Montana)

My final issue that will be discussed in this article, and trust me there are many more, is glitter. While this reflective jewel can amp up any project, the repercussions it leaves in our house are many. I have come to terms that glitter and I will always have a rocky relationship. This realization is courtesy of me marrying into a dance family. My car will always have glitter in it somewhere. There will always be a speck some where on my clothes. And yes, it even shows up in others areas of our house that really should be glitter free. I can deal with the dance-related glitter infusion. The additional school-project related glitter is what pushes me over the top. Some lines just should never be crossed, but is difficult to enforce this decree when the sad, pouty eyes of your little girl are insisting it is needed to make her poster the best.

Have we ever used the same project for two kids? You bet I have. I’m not even ashamed. Isn’t that working smarter, not harder in my role as a parent? I will fully support any projects that will create skills that my children will use in the workforce later in life, but please know that a general rule is that our projects will be turned in on the due date and not a day before and if they look like they were created an hour earlier it is probably because they were. However, please know that we will totally rock any power point presentations or handouts. #NoShameInMyGame