(Orange, Texas)

December 1, 2012

Your Christmas shopping list

John Warren
The Orange Leader

ORANGE — My wife and I will celebrate our second year of marriage on December 18.  I thought that I hit a home run last year with a two night stay at a Natchitoches Louisiana, bed and breakfast.   The establishment was nothing grand, just a small room in a small house, but it was the thought that counts, correct?  The name of the bed and breakfast was “The Parsonage” which I thought was very appropriate being a minister.  Upon investigation I further found that this particular bed and breakfast was the former parsonage of the First United Methodist Church in Natchitoches.  How could I get so lucky?  That, I thought,  was even more thoughtful.  Upon talking with my lovely wife about our anniversary this year, my wife said, “I hope you’re not planning to take me to another parsonage.”  

I got the message.  So I started investigating the idea of gifts and I came across two lists that I hope will be helpful to men such as myself, this time of year, and the women who love them.  

Things Never to Give Your Wife for Christmas (Author Unknown)

A frying pan, blender or vacuum.

A scale either for weighing food or your body.

Perfume you say you liked when you smelled it on another woman.

A copy of the favorite recipe your mother always made you.

A pair of house shoes like your mother wears.

A nightgown one size too small, cut to fit Twiggy, (Google it) made of polyester,  with sleeves that are so tight at the wrists that they could pass as tourniquets.       

Not to be left out I also found a list for the ladies to help in their gift giving:

Things Never to Give Your Husband For Christmas (Author Unknown)

Tickets for two, to the opera.


Cologne you say you liked when you smelled it on another man.

Your favorite CD of Barbara Streisand.

A book on managing your personal finances.

A red flannel nightshirt.

Finally the best advice I can give you is to listen and communicate with one another.   Show your wife the same consideration you wish to receive.  When you begin to listen you will know the right gift for her.  If your wife is like mine, she will also tell you what she wants, and often.