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We live in interesting times.

It seems that this year, we have had a killer plague, near-miss asteroids, and now killer hornets, and locusts in the Middle East. And it is just now May.

Throw in a coffee shortage and I am done with 2020.

Well, like many of you, I suffer allergies.

Not a bad enough case that shots or other treatments are necessary, but still a pain.

Well, this becomes relevant last week when my wife and I were working on a new wood fence for our yard. We had gotten tired of the older cattle style one where our boys could push under or jump over.

Albeit, it was a good workout chasing them around the neighborhood, but I can get my exercise in other ways, thank you very much.

Back to the story.

We were in Home Depot. Wait, before I go on, I want to do a quick shout out to Child’s Hardware. A piece of our gate, we could not find locally, so before going to Beaumont to look, we decided to go by Ace.

They didn’t have it, sadly, but I will tell you one thing, customer service there is miles ahead of most big box stores. I was asked if I needed help finding anything.

Before I looked lost. 

For me and shopping, usually, it won’t take long for it to happen.

Anyway, the gentleman which helped me took me to the part of the store where what I was looking for would be if they had it. Since they didn’t, he gave me a few places I could look locally.

Then on the way out the cashier saw I wasn’t buying anything and asked if I needed any help.

I am impressed and will make Ace a regular stop in the future.

Once again, back to my story.

We were picking out dog ears for our fence. Sawdust was everywhere.

I felt a sneeze coming on.

Now a little scenery. There are about five or six people in the aisle counting me, other customers, and employees.

I feel the sneeze coming on.

I am fighting it. Holding it back. Trying desperately to hold it in as I load the boards. All sixty-four.

Whew, I made it. Now to push the cart into the front and load the truck.

Right there, in the main aisle, in the middle of the store…

The sneeze could no longer be held in. In one loud, terrifying sound, I let loose the mother of all sneezes.

The looks of horror on the faces of the people around me. I pushed my cart to the front of the store as quickly as I could. But, I could swear I had the collective weight of stares from everyone I passed.

I then realized that social distancing had expanded to everyone else being about 60 feet away from me.

I am sure in another aisle, there were people wanting to burn me at the stake in the lumber post aisle for bringing a plague upon their houses.

On the bright side, there was no wait at checkout.

Oh well, take your victories where you can get them.

Michael Cole is a syndicated columnist that when he is not writing, he is plotting global domination. You can follow him at www.storyoveracup.com